Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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