the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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