i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
