well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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