It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I still have a little drunk in my system
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
