I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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