We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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