you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
MIDGETS
????
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
