My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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