Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
