Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
