Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We need a shit load of segways right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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