i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
