Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I stole a fireplace last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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