The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
