Where is the hickey?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
