its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
