just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ketchup is God's man juice
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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