I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
