Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
