hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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