I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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