You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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