Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
