I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
