dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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