I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
