I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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