Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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