discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
