i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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