can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
