yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
