I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the condom got lost in my hair
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
