I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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