Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
