my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
