I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
