i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
