i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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