Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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