im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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