Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
