five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
