Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
