just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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