And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
