dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
