Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
