Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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