It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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