this just has baby written all over it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
