i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hippo gnu deer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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