dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
