fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
