high people should be assigned attendants
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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