I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
