if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
