My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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