You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
