She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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