I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
