You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
