the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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