How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
