smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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