Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
