Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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