thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
