We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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