ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
