but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
