I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
