I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
