you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
