so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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