loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
