I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
