Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
