Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
