There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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