dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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