I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
