ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
