Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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