i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
