How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
